fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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