woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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