i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
