I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
