we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
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