im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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