Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
you would pick up someone in the library
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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