theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
