return my video game
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
