I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
