hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
