Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
