my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
