FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
