i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i just google imaged poop.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
