At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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