dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
