Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
