you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
