The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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