Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
