smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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