woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
i out mim tonsoeep
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