I think im going to throw up on grandma
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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