I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Randomize
