Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Randomize
