The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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