Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
