So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize
