he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
