What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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