no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
