It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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