Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
