we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
