my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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