i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I think a kid would responsible me up
Rumble strips road head = magical
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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