How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
