Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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