There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
