Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
