i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
