you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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