Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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