i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
