Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
