So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
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