I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
