Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
