He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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