Jerry, you need to find god
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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