I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
