remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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