went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
