tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Randomize
