I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
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