I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'm really busy with my period
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