He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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