Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
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I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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