I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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