she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
