dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
