Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
