Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
