Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
