Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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