Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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