I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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