i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
