when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
