I am puke
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize