So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize