went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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