i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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