How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
