he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
