If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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