we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Randomize
