I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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