therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
