Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
