i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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