This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Naked. naked and bneed help.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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