we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
