I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
