he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
