i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
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There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
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I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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