Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
